Handbag Mayhem: Because Nobody Knows You Like Your Handbag Does
The portable Bermuda Triangle that has a life of its own!
You know what nobody warns you about when you decide to be an adult? The absolute mayhem that is a handbag. Seriously – let’s talk about it.
Every handbag is basically a mini treasure chest and trash can rolled into one. Open it up and you’ll find undiscovered relics of your past: that old plane ticket from a trip you barely remember, a random flyer from a store you swear you were going to check out someday, and if you’re a mom – oh boy – sticky lollies and half-open snack bars just living their best life in there.
Every time I try to look for something, it’s like going on an excavation. There’s stuff I absolutely don’t want to throw away, but also don’t know why I keep it. Good trash, you know? That weird comforting trash that just has to live with you forever.
You put your hand in digging in the hopes of finding that lost earring stud, but alas you only find some random pebble that you are not even sure how it got there in the first place.
It’s like a Pandora box of it’s own calibre and you pray and hope that what you are looking will be found before hundred and one items come out spilling from the bag. Sounds familiar?
But here’s the thing – handbags are basically our lives in a pouch. Chaotic, messy, full of surprises, sometimes disappointing, sometimes saving us at the last possible second. Like that one time you’re frantically searching for a fan because you’re sweating buckets, only to realise you left it in the OTHER handbag. Or the lipstick you were so sure was there but of course it’s not – because it’s at home in your “going out” bag that you didn’t take out. Or worse, when you swear your keys are in there but they’re not, so you’re just standing outside your locked door texting your husband to leave his meeting and come rescue you like a total damsel in distress. Been there, done that.
And don’t even get me started on the physical struggle. You stuff your bag till it begs for mercy and then the clasp breaks. Or the sling just detaches mid-crosswalk, leaving you hugging your stuff like a raccoon hoarding garbage. Instant existential crisis, right there in public.
And that’s not even the end of it! When your favourite handbag finally gives up on life? That’s grief. Real grief. So you can’t throw it out, of course not – you use it as storage. For what? Receipts, old slips, papers from God knows when, and probably an expired coupon you’ll never use but can’t bring yourself to toss.
Have you ever thought why your handbag is a goddamn mess? (Yeah, I can hear the inner voice going “because you are a goddamn mess.”) Okay fine, agreed to some extent. We don’t set out wanting to have our handbag mimic the next Christopher Nolan movie where there is inception over inception of things that somehow all makes sense in the end of the day. However, it’s not always a lost cause is it?
Somehow, in all that mess, your handbag still holds the key to your survival. Remember that time you found an old sanitary pad in there just in time for an early period emergency? Or when you found an ancient lolly and it saved you from your kid’s public hunger meltdown? Yep. That’s the magic of it.
A handbag is basically life: a mystery that keeps giving (and sometimes not giving). It surprises you, disappoints you, saves you, embarrasses you – all in one zip.
It’s a daily gamble. Will the bag betray you today or reward you with a surprise lifesaver? Who knows. That’s the fun.
Somehow you feel safe when you have your handbag, when you are amidst strangers you hug your handbag subconsciously as if it is the best buddy who will never leave you even if others do. You keep the handbag in your lap and pretend to be looking for something just to be occupied and not to look too bored or awkward. While travelling, you quite literally look daggers at anyone even in close vicinity to your handbag and you guard it with your life and would gladly tell any bandit, please take me but leave my bag alone. It’s been with us through all of our emotional rollercoasters providing the perfect tissue (even if worn out from being squished between like a billion things).
If I’m being honest, you probably spend more time searching for the right bag than even the right person to date or marry. Somehow you go handbag shopping and are not satisfied until you have seen all.
But your handbag says so much about your personality. It shows what you truly care about even though you would never admit. It is like an archaeological site where you can piece a lot about what you like or dislike. It is a conversation starter, like someone walking by notices and asks “Where did you get that handbag?”. It is as much a personality statement than just a fashion statement. And to tell you the truth? Nobody knows you like your handbag does.
Quite honestly, if Chandler and Joey had been asked to guess what’s inside Rachel’s handbag instead of her shopping bag, they would have lost that bet and still be guessing today. Rachel and Monica would have won their apartment back long ago.
So next time you curse your bag for swallowing your keys or losing your lipstick – remember, it’s not just a bag. It’s the symbol of our beautiful chaos. And deep down, we’d never have it any other way.
So here’s to our chaotic bags – may they continue to carry our secrets, our snacks, and our sanity (what’s left of it anyway).
Rant over. Now go check your bag – there’s probably something in there you didn’t know you needed today. And if you liked this chaos, come listen to me vent more on my newly launched Venting Cloud podcast. (https://www.youtube.com/@VentingCloud) See you there!